English
After buying a drunk sex doll and delivering it to a neighbor
A drunken shopper was left 'mortified' after their drunken Silicone Sex Dolls purchase was delivered to a neighbour. The humiliation stemmed from an impulsive/intoxicated decision to buy the sex doll on eBay after the Euro 2020 final between England and Italy last month. The anonymous shopper, from Leicestershire, UK, recalled what happened in the Spotted Whitwick community Facebook page. They said: "Please ignore if not allowed/inappropriate but wondered if anyone could help me out. "I live in a flat along Hermitage Road. When the Euros was on I got hammered and drunk-me thought it would be an excellent idea to buy a full life size AXB Doll off eBay after England lost." OK, I dunno about you, but after England's crushing defeat on penalties, I too was drunk - but ordering a sex doll on eBay was not in my thoughts. Not even close to them. Anyway, the bizarre purchased backfired on them when a new neighbour had to sign for it. The post continued: "Forgot about it until I got emails saying it had despatched and by that time couldn't cancel. "So it arrived in the post earlier than expected today and needless to say I am mortified as I was at work so my neighbour who has just moved in agreed to sign for it when I was out to add to my horror. I dread to know what she is thinking." Probably something along the lines of, 'Ah, my neighbour's probably just drunkenly bought that after the Euros final, hope they get good use out of it'. Anyway, it turns out they were repulsed by the purchase - which must have looked better with beer goggles on. Now they're seeking advice from locals about how best to get rid of it. The post continued: "I opened it up and oh my god it's hideous. I don't know what to do with it. I'm so embarrassed. What do I do with it? "I can't sell on Facebook Marketplace as that would involve getting it out the house, neighbours seeing, returning it under eBay's return policy would involve going to the post office aka social suicide. "Going to the tip would be double social suicide not to mention if police pull me over thinking I'm disposing a real body. "Does anyone know if Coalville tip has much CCTV around? Perhaps I could break in at night? "Does anyone have any other suggestions or a big enough box to hide this heinous obscenity?" Well, the post has received more than 500 likes, with one resident suggesting they take her down the pub and see if anyone takes her home, while another has offered to chuck her on a bonfire. You feel the latter might be the kinder option. A woman has shared an angry note from a neighbour demanding she stop 'screaming like a pig' during sex. The woman said she received the note through her door after a night of rumpy pumpy - which clearly she enjoyed more than the house next door. In a tweet, she shared a photo of the hand-written letter, which reads: "Can you please stop screaming like a pig daft o'clock when you sh*gging!! "We all sick of it!!! Neigbours [sic]." Captioning the tweet - which received more than 21,000 likes - the woman wrote: "I personally thought I sounded like the herbal essence woman but go off I guess." She went on to say the note made her feel 'uncomfortable'. She said: "As much as am joking about it honestly am very aware now. And feel hella uncomfortable." She added: "If they had worded it better I'd have felt a right c***, but this Narr I'll be louder [sic]." Another Twitter user reassured her the neighbour was just jealous, to which she replied: "[They] think I haven't heard [their] 4 minutes at 9pm on a Friday cause I have and no one's jealous there." You may very well think the neighbour was in the right here though, as a survey conducted last summer revealed that two thirds of Brits wish their neighbours could be fined for bonking too loudly. A thousand people were polled by energy comparison site SaveOnEnergy and two out of three respondents said they wished their neighbours could be fined for an overly raucous romp. Of course, you can make a noise complaint against your neighbours, whether said noise is nooky-based or otherwise. I suppose it's the notion of a specific deafening sex penalty which two thirds of us are in favour of - with the third who are opposed presumably the ones responsible for the X-rated racket. Whether this issue is more or less pervasive at the moment is a moot point. On the one hand, we're all spending a lot more time at home, so you might expect us to be disturbed by next door's mating more regularly. But on the other hand, many people's sex lives have drifted off into the abyss due to lockdown measures - and that doesn't just apply to couples that live separately. When quarantine rules were first introduced, one of the only conceivable benefits was the potential for an improved sex life for couples cooped up together. But according to a poll of more than 10,000 people, 69 percent of couples are having less sex than usual (yes, 69 percent). You can read a sex expert's top tips for keeping the sexual flame lit in lockdown here. The CPHO did reassure people however that there's a 'very low likelihood' of contracting the coronavirus through semen or vaginal fluids. It's worth noting however that you should still make sure you're engaging in safe sex. In the full statement, Dr Tam said: "Sexual health is an important part of our overall health. However, sex can be complicated in the time of Covid-19, especially for those without an intimate partner in their household or whose sexual partner is at higher risk for Covid-19. "Like other activities during Covid-19 that involve physical closeness, there are some things you can do to minimize the risk of getting infected and spreading the virus." The statement went on: "The lowest risk sexual activity during Covid-19 involves yourself alone. If you choose to engage in an in-person sexual encounter with someone outside of your household or close contacts bubble, there are some steps you can take to reduce your risk. "The most important step is to establish a trusting relationship with your sexual partner." A number of measures are listed to reduce the risk of spreading Covid-19. They include: Monitoring yourself for symptoms of Covid-19 and not having sex if you or your partner is experiencing symptoms; Limiting your use of alcohol and other substances so you and your partner(s) are able to make safe decisions; Skipping kissing and avoiding face-to-face contact or closeness; consider using a mask that covers the nose and mouth; Being aware if you or your partner may be at higher risk for more severe outcomes of Covid-19. This includes: people of any age with underlying medical conditions; people with compromised immune systems; and people living with obesity. As usual, engaging in safer sex practices, including using condoms, knowing your own STI status and the status of your partner
